Rookie Reflections

Tonight, I decided to go back and read my old (years ago) online journal. Some random clippings (from most recent to least recent because I don't know how to fix it):

April 4th, 2006:

kellybeth1225: go to work tomorrow and figure out what is wrong with me
hayleyc99: hiv
hayleyc99: gonoherpesyphilaids
hayleyc99: mono?
hayleyc99: or possibly a torn ACL
hayleyc99: I'll work on it
kellybeth1225: definitely ACL
hayleyc99: well, I have seen a lot of those lately so I'm pretty good at diagnosing them, especially over AIM

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March 6, 2006:

Today I pulled up to Wal*Mart and there was a man walking through the parking lot with a bat. Also, I saw a woman who bears a striking resemblance to the ghost of Christmas past. You know, you just never know what you'll see these days.

I will leave you with a quote that one of my friends said about Bruce Springsteen:

"I really, really think that 80's TV show "Who's the Boss?" would've been so much better if they would've cast Bruce as the lead role instead of that lame Tony Danza. I mean, they'd probably have to change the title and everything. Because, it would be senseless to ask who's the boss when everyone KNOWS it's Bruce. C'mon. The title would look more like "I'm The Boss, Bitch!"

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January 30, 2006:

"I want to give a really bad party. I mean it. I want to give a party where there's a brawl and seductions and people going home with their feelings hurt and women passed out in the cabinet de toilette. You wait and see." -Diver, from Fitzgerald's Tender is the Night

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Jan 22, 2006:

This Hemingway business isn't as bad as I thought. It's really very good. But, he always writes run-on sentences, and it's annoying. Also, he doesn't put commas after sequential words that open sentences (ex. Then,...) or before "too" to end a sentence. I wonder what that's all about. I wonder if I'll ever find someone who is interested in the same things I am. I wonder if that would even be a good thing?

The people in the Crimson White FINALLY wrote an article about Foster Auditorium. That seems so silly that I get so worked up about something like that, but I can't help it. It's the most historically important site on the campus, and we're just letting it rot. Something is wrong with that. Where are all the loaded alumni who think the preservation of history is important?

By then I knew that everything good and bad left an emptiness when it stopped. But if it was bad, the emptiness filled up by itself. If it was good you could only fill it by finding something better. -Hemingway, from Moveable Feast

[COMMENT: I was extremely happy when I read this one, because Blaine might be one of the only people on the planet that would be interested in the meaning of the grammar in a Hemingway novel.]

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January 24, 2006:

I get my clinical packet tomorrow, telling me which school I will be placed at. I hope I'm a good teacher. I hope I don't hate it.

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January 10th, 2006

"I wonder about all the roads not taken and am moved to quote Frost...but won't. It is sad to be able only to mouth other poets. I want someone to mouth me." -Sylvia Plath

"I also don't believe in "owning" people--like a good whore or a pet canary." -Sylvia Plath

________

December 28th, 2005

The dog kissed me on the lips yesterday. I think she wants more out of the relationship than I am willing to give. I told her I wanted to take it slow, but she's just not listening to me.

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December 14th, 2005:

Year in Review: Take the first sentence from each month in your journal, and post it.

January: So I've downloaded around 20 songs (including the Fall Out Boy Christmas song you let us listen to yesterday, Meg... are you proud?) and I'm so pumped up about making this CD, and then I realize I'm out of blank CD's.

February: Well, I know it's probably been six months since I've updated, so I thought I'd start this weekend.

March: Today is Stevie's Birthday and here is a picture for your viewing pleasure :

April: Hey cowgirls - see the grass? don't eat it

May: Something drastic happened today. I broke down and went to the library.

June: Wow, that's quite a title you've got. What is your major again?

July: Right. So i tried to update the other day but the computer was being entirely ridiculous so i couldn't.

August: Stand on my left, boo I know you ain't right

September: So it seems like every time I do a private entry it ends up being about...

October: Francesco Petrarca's SONGBOOK sonnet # 132

November: I went shopping today and bought entirely too much stuff.

December: Tonight freaking rocked. Lowkey party turned out to be just the fun I needed.





OK, I'll stop there. It goes back way farther, but I really got a kick out of reading what I had written at a different point in my life. I realized I used to read better books and think about them more. Maybe I can work on that. Any suggestions?

FYI -

I originally started this blog to help me reflect on my teaching practices. However, I keep thinking about stuff that I want to say that doesn't have a thing to do with education. I guess I'll make this blog into a hodgepodge. How else could I post this picture?

I fully intended to start a blog when I started teaching, but, like my mind, that idea went to the wayside this past semester. Now, it is the end of Christmas break, and I have decided to reflect on this past semester and make predictions for the new one. I will try to keep this up even when things get hectic.

Last semester:
As I expected, I loved teaching and enjoyed spending time with the kids. I was floored day after day at the insightful, interesting things they would say. I think they taught me as much or more as I taught them. Kids are also a wonderful reminder not to take yourself so seriously. They kept me down to earth when I got frazzled.

I did not expect the job to be so stressful at times. I am worried about student motivation and home life as it affects performance in class. When I was in grade school, I tried to achieve in school for myself primarily and then also for my parents. Some of the kids I am teaching do not seem to have self-esteem or positive reinforcement at home and therefore are not motivated to do well. Kids who have outstanding potential to achieve will make F’s on effort assignments. I do not understand it. What kind of leverage do I use as a teacher when students do not care about grades or school/parental discipline or graduating?

I have read article upon article telling me that I should make the assignments relevant to their lives (easy as pie, right?). This year, I had THREE girls in ONE ninth grade class who were pregnant. No matter how interesting I make it, how am I going to expect them to critically analyze Friar Lawrence’s role in Romeo and Juliet when they are going to have their first ultrasound after school? It is mind blowing how many of them are in gangs, do drugs, and will openly talk about using guns to get what they want.

I would like to discuss religion in the classroom, but I think I will save that for another blog.

I partially blame myself for their disrespect towards me this year. When I say that, I mean the ninth graders solely. I did not set enough boundaries at the outset. I intend to be more firm at the beginning of this semester.

Next semester:
This upcoming semester, I plan on being more organized and prepared for what is ahead. I anticipate having more of my metaphorical shit together, which will (hopefully) allow me to do a better job. I hope to try out some new teaching strategies that I have been too cautious to try before. I hope to take some more “me” time so as to not get too wrapped up in the stresses of the job. I also hope to do a better job of balancing my home life and work life. We’ll see how it goes!