I am not someone who believes in the afterlife or transfer of energies or any of that. For some reason, the older I get, the more I don't buy it, and the more I don't feel like I have to in order to be a good person.
However, I am a dreamer. Not in the mysterious, John Lennon kind of way, but the actual I-have-dreams-most-nights-I-sleep way. And, it always seems that anytime I'm going through heavy personal issues that I dream about people in my life who have died. I don't know if this is a form of cosmic karma, but even after death, people close to me are present in my dreams and in my thoughts.
Anytime I dream about my grandmother on my dad's side (which is often), I am sitting in her living room. She is in "her chair," and I am on the loveseat beside her. Most of the time, I'm telling her about my problems or asking her advice on how to handle things. This is odd to me, because she died before I feel like I had any real adult problems.
In my dreams, she always does and says the same things. She always holds my hand and tells me everything is going to be fine. She eases my worries in a way that only a loving grandmother does. Is this my subconscious trying to convince myself that I will, in fact, be fine, or is this really her comforting me from beyond the grave? I don't know, and I guess I never will. Either way, it's a nice feeling being there with her, even for a minute.
However, I am a dreamer. Not in the mysterious, John Lennon kind of way, but the actual I-have-dreams-most-nights-I-sleep way. And, it always seems that anytime I'm going through heavy personal issues that I dream about people in my life who have died. I don't know if this is a form of cosmic karma, but even after death, people close to me are present in my dreams and in my thoughts.
Anytime I dream about my grandmother on my dad's side (which is often), I am sitting in her living room. She is in "her chair," and I am on the loveseat beside her. Most of the time, I'm telling her about my problems or asking her advice on how to handle things. This is odd to me, because she died before I feel like I had any real adult problems.
In my dreams, she always does and says the same things. She always holds my hand and tells me everything is going to be fine. She eases my worries in a way that only a loving grandmother does. Is this my subconscious trying to convince myself that I will, in fact, be fine, or is this really her comforting me from beyond the grave? I don't know, and I guess I never will. Either way, it's a nice feeling being there with her, even for a minute.
2 comments:
JD said...
She was a wonderful mom- I'll miss her forever.
Lindsey said...
thank you for posting this.