Rookie Reflections

Heartfelt letters to the clientele of The Bank Shot in Brewton, AL


Dear Long, Blonde-haired Guy Sitting at the Bar,

You are obviously Tom Petty's younger, cuter, more athletic brother. You are playing it low-key by sitting by yourself and not making eye contact. I respect the way you're rocking the early 90's one-stripe sweater. I like your style.



Dear Frat Daddy,

I see you're salivating over the slutty, bubbly girl who is hanging around the jukebox. It probably took a lot of courage on your part to go over to her and ask her to dance. But couldn't you have chosen a better dancing song than "Ring of Fire"? Lucky for you, she's too drunk to notice.

P.S. Don't think I didn't see your hand inching farther and farther down her butt. Again, lucky for you, she's too drunk to notice.

Dear Awesome Bartender Girl,

Thank you for being so prompt and attentive. You get lots of tips.

Dear Lame Bartender Man,

You ignored me twice and snatched the money out of my hand when you finally did serve me. All your tips go to Awesome Bartender Girl.

Dear Girls Waiting in Line for the Bathroom,

Please don't talk smack about me (A.K.A. "the ho who is holding you up") and rattle the door handle obsessively while I'm in the bathroom and then act surprised when I come out glaring at you. A girl can only pee so fast.